Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of The Positive Mindset Tribe!
In this episode I’m going to talk about self-sabotage. Isn’t it annoying when we are our worst enemies and we sabotage ourselves? So I will be talking about what self-sabotage is, why it happens, and most importantly, strategies to stop it.
WHAT IS SELF-SABOTAGE?
Self-sabotage is when we want to achieve or do something or we want to do something that we know is good for us but we consciously or unconsciously block ourselves and prevent it from happening.
I want you to note what I said: conscious or unconsciously. Most of the times, when we sabotage ourselves, we are not even aware that we are doing it!
So to illustrate it with examples: procrastination is a great example of a form of self-sabotage. When we set a goal, we have the motivation, maybe we want to lose weight, look for a better job, have a healthier diet, learn a new language and you keep postponing it again and again and again.
Another example is when we date people that are not right for us. We want to be in a healthy, loving relationship, but we find ourselves being attracted to people who will end up hurting us.
WHY DO WE DO THIS?
So some of those examples might resonate with you and you might be thinking ‘why on earth do we do this to ourselves?’.
Well it is much simpler that it might seem. We sabotage ourselves when at the conscious level we want to achieve something, but deep inside, there are some old beliefs, or programs that go against it.
For example we might want to have a healthy relationship, but deep inside, we might have the belief that we don’t deserve love, that true love doesn’t exist or that love hurts. And those old beliefs run our behaviour from the subconscious mind, like old programs slowing down a computer.
Maybe you’re looking for a better job because you don’t feel valued at work, but deep inside there are some old beliefs like ‘I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough, I will never be successful’. And again, those beliefs, even if we are not aware of them, they will be conditioning our behaviour, the decisions we make, how we feel about ourselves or certain situations.
In other episodes I have explained in more detail how importance our mindset is, I even started a podcast on the topic!
In episode 3, I explained how these old beliefs are formed and stored in the subconscious and how to remove them.
But basically, when we sabotage ourselves, we are just trying to protect ourselves. Sometimes we can be more scared of succeeding than failing!
HOW TO STOP SELF-SABOTAGE
So that’s all very well, now you know what self-sabotage is, why it happens, but how do I stop it? I hear you saying.
- First of all, if by listening to this episode, you have detected any form of self-sabotage, the very first step before you try to stop it is to look at yourself with compassion. Don’t judge yourself, treat yourself like you would treat a kid that has made a mistake. With that love, with that kindness and compassion.
- Second step, identify what is the benefit from sabotaging of yourself. I know you are probably thinking: none! But there is always a benefit, otherwise we wouldn’t do it. By benefit I don’t mean that it’s necessarily good. But when we sabotage ourselves, we normally get something. Maybe it’s protection, a form of security, not taking risks. There is always a benefit, be honest with yourself and you will find that there is a benefit. This is probably the most important step because if you don’t identify what you’re getting from a certain form of self-sabotage, it will be very difficult to stop it. This is what I focus on when I’m working with someone 1:1, on exploring the deep beliefs, what the person is protecting themselves from etc. For example by dating the wrong people, you are avoiding a long term relationship where you could end up being hurt. It’s not a good outcome, but sometimes protection and security is more important for our minds, it is part of our survival instinct.
- Third step: how can you get the same benefit without limiting yourself? If I’m trying to get a job but unconsciously I think I’m not good enough for it and I will mess up so I don’t work on my CV, I don’t prepare properly for the interview and I end up not getting the job. Because deep inside I believed I wasn’t smart enough or I was scared or letting the company down, and by not getting the job I am protecting myself. What could I do to feel protected, to feel confident without having to limit myself? First of all, I might want to review my beliefs, and make sure I rewire my bran with more empowering affirmation, like with Theta Healing. Maybe I could do some additional training, I could research the company so I can be as prepared as I can. Maybe I just need to look at myself with more compassion at think that if I make a mistake, well I’m human, we all make mistakes! So look how to get the same benefit from the self-sabotage but in a healthy and not-limiting way
- Practise, practise, practise and spend time on self-reflection. A pattern that it’s so deep in your mindset and behaviours, like a tattoo, will take some time to shift. By being aware of it you have done the hardest part, so work on understanding yourself, your beliefs, your fears, your worries, your conditioning. We all have them! So nothing to feel bad about, if anything you should feel proud that you are working on improving yourself, not everyone does it!
So before we finish let’s take a few moments to recap here:
- Self-sabotage normally happens unconsciously.
- The reason is normally old beliefs, programs or inherited patterns.
- There is always a benefit .
- Once you identify what you are achieving by sabotaging yourself, it is much easier to be aware of it and stop it.
- Ask yourself how can I achieve this benefit in a healthy way that is not limiting?
- Most importantly, don’t judge yourself, treat yourself with love and compassion, always!
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Please reach out with any suggestions of topics you would like me to cover in future episodes.
With love and light,
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