Going through a breakup can be one of the most painful experiences you might face in your life. If are going through a painful breakup or feel like you still haven’t moved on completely from an old relationship, this episode is for you!
In this episode:
– Why is it so difficult to let go?
– Step to close an old relationship for good.
– A super powerful energy healing technique to disconnect yourself from past relationships that are no longer serving you.
– How to get ready for new beginnings and healthier relationships.
In this free session I will help you identify the main block that is stopping you from manifesting the abundant life you deserve and you will leave the session with a renewed vision about yourself and an action plan to take you closer to your goals!
(Please note this is not an exact transcript of the episode, it is more like a script, there are more detailed explanations and insights in the actual podcast!)
Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of The Positive Mindset Tribe!
I just came back from a couple of weeks break as I have been on my honeymoon and I have to say that spending sometime by the sea with my husband was so needed. I have recharged now and back to work with new ideas, fresh energy so let me know what topics you would like me to cover.
The last couple of episodes have been part of a miniseries on relationships, as this is such an important topic. And as I promised this episode will be the third and last one of the series and is dedicated to how to finally let go of old relationships. This is particularly relevant if you have been through a breakup recently, but sometimes it happens that you feel that the person you dated years ago somehow is still present in your life, or you can’t figure out how to move on completely.
Before we start, just a reminder of what I covered in the previous two episodes in case you missed them. One episode was dedicated to have joyful and fulfilling relationhsips, and it included a step by step process to improve and attract healthy, loving and nurturing relationships (which not only applies to romantic relationships!). The other one was 7 common mistakes that make relationships fail and how to avoid them.
And another reminder that if you want to know more about the 1 on 1 healing coaching sessions I do, I’m offering some free clarity sessions. This is a no obligation session where I will help you identify any blockages that might be stopping you from living a life of joy and abundance that feels aligned with your Soul’s Purpose and you will leave the session with action plan with next steps. I will leave a link on the description below or you can go to my website veronica-moreno.com and book it from there.
OK, so let’s get started with today’s episode!
- Why is it so difficult to let go?
- Steps to get over a breakup and close an old relationship for good.
- A super powerful energy healing technique to disconnect yourself from past relationships that are no longer serving you.
- Getting ready for new beginnings and healthier relationships.
WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO LET GO?
Going through a breakup can be one of the most painful situations you might experience. Especially when you really love and want to be with someone and the other person ends the relationship it can be absolutely devastating. So first thing I want to say is that if you are in this situation, I have been there, I here you’re pain, I’m not gonna lie, it will hurt for a bit until you grief the relationship and get over it but trust me, this is only temporary. This is not always going to be like this. I promise that one day, you will be laughing at this and thinking how much time you wasted with that person that didn’t deserve you and you will be with some who values you , loves you and take care of you.
But why is it so difficult to let go?
Part of it obviously is the natural grieving, like when someone dies, you love someone, you have your routine, your dreams, your common projects and suddenly all that is gone and it needs to be grieved. That takes time and it is natural process, and it is normal to feel a lot of sadness, sadness is the emotion that helps us integrate the loss, so it is normal to feel like crying a lot at this stage, don’t be afraid to do it, it is a natural process, it is healthy and it is necessary to move on!
Also, as human beings, we don’t like change. Change is risky, and our instinct is to stay safe, so we tend to perceive change as a threat. And the instinct to survive will tell us that staying with that person who maybe treated us badly, cheated on us, was not caring, was not loving, was not good for us is the best option, it is the safest option. So there will always be this resistance to end a relationship, this is human nature. So we need to be aware of this resistance and push through if we want to move on and find someone that is more aligned with us.
And another reason why breakups can be so painful, and this is probably one of the most important reasons and at the same time not known by most people is that breakups or relationships in general, but breakups in particular, trigger a lot of insecurities, fears that we already have within. The inner child gets particularly triggered, with fear of being abandoned.
If we were completely healed, from all past experiences, from insecurities, from lack of self-confidence or self-worth, a breakup would still be painful, the grieving part of it would still be painful sure, but it wouldn’t be as traumatic and dramatic and devastating as they sometimes are.
I remember one relationship in particular I had, when we broke up I felt like I was gonna die. Literally, I felt so empty, my heart was so broken that at one point I remember a moment when I had kind of a panic attack and I couldn’t even breath properly, it was ridiculously painful, would wish that to anyone in the world.
But later in time, that was before I had started doing any inner work, I hadn’t started my studies in counselling so I hadn’t started my therapy process, I had so much to heal and that is what made it so difficult because that breakup and pretty much the whole of that relationship, was triggering my already broken heart. My heart was broken inside way before that relationship started mainly due to my parents divorce which was very traumatic and my dad being very absent to the point that he disappeared for 20 years. So all that pain, that abandonment wound that I carried, so many limiting beliefs about love that I had were completely triggered by this breakup. If I had to go through that breakup today I know it wouldn’t be so difficult. Actually, I wouldn’t have been in that relationship for as lon as I was, because I knew it was not good for me. And it was only because I was so horrible scared of being on my own of being rejected, of going through that pain again that I got stuck in a relationship that wasn’t making me happy for years.
And I had this dramatic idea that I had fallen in love, and once you fall in love you stay in love forever, and I thought that I was going to suffer for the rest of my life if I wasn’t with this person. So when we finally broke up, which was the best decision for both of us, I just thought that’s it, that’s the end of my life, I’ll never be happy again.
So now I know that all that pain I suffered which I thought was because I loved him so much, part of it was, but there was a lot of me being triggered to the most challenging level!
Not to mention that the fact that I had so many limiting beliefs about love and relationships and so many patterns and trauma that was not serving me, was what was making me attract that relationship in the first place. Because when you love yourself, you know your self worth, you cultivate self-love, you have confidence and know how to set boundaries you are no longer interested in partners that don’t love you and treat you like you deserve. But back then I was full of insecurities, my confidence was completely destroyed even though I pretended to be super confident and happy, it just mask a role I took to show that everything was OK. Now that I have done so much inner work, that I have healed that I honour myself, there is no way I would start a relationship like that, with someone who didn’t want to commit the way I deserved. But I have to say I am so grateful for that relationship and others I have had and failed because it helped me learned so much, not in the most pleasant way I have to say, but I had to experience that pain and those triggers to realise how much I needed to heal.
So I’m sure most of you are with me on this, but probably you are thinking right, so not only I have to deal with this pain, this sadness, I also have to do a lot of work on myself? I know it can be overwhelming.
But don’t worry because I’m going to be sharing a step by step process and a lot of useful tips to hopefully make it easier for you, so you can finally move on and get ready for a new relationship that you deserve.
But before we go to the step by step process, let me give you one piece of advice: don’t do it on your own. If you are going through a breakup, or are struggling to put an end to an old relationship and you feel very triggered, devastated and don’t even feel like getting out of bed, don’t do this alone. Work with a therapist, with a coach find someone to help you heal, to give you motivation. Like I said at the beginning, I’m offering some free clarity sessions at the moment, book one, make the most of it, it is a no obligation session, so I might talk about my programmes if I think we are a good fit and you are interested in doing more work together but you can get a lot from that session alone.
If there is a local support group , join it, but honestly find someone to support you. Because after a breakup we are so vulnerable, I wish I had done therapy way earlier in my life and especially after that painful breakup. I would have healed much more quickly and it would have been way less painful. And especially if your past relationships follow similar patterns it is definitely the time to go within and heal. When I started my weekly therapy while I was doing my master’s degree in counselling, I think it was at the beginning of the relationships with the person who is my husband today. Thank god, honestly, thank god for those sessions. Because I was starting to show the same old patterns that would have killed that relationship. It was looking more and more like the previous ones and I thought no, this time I’m not gonna do this to myself. If it doesn’t work it doesn’t work, but it won’t be because I haven’t done my inner work. And 7, almost 8 years later here we are happily married but we wouldn’t be here today if it hadn’t been for the amount of inner work we did individually. And for me there is no way I could have done it on my own, so invest on your wellbeing and happiness because you won’t regret it, breaking free from the baggage of the past is the best gift you can give to yourself and one you won’t regret.
STEPS TO CLOSE AN OLD RELATIONSHIP FOR GOOD
- Stop contact with that person. Unless you have to speak to that person because you have kids in common or a common business, stop the communication. You’re gonna need some time on your own to gather your thoughts, understand what’s going on inside, you are going to need space to heal. I listened to a very short video the other day that was brilliant I can’t remember where, but the guy was talking about when your ex messages you and he was saying stop replying! Is he giving you any new information? Is he saying something like you know what, I know what went wrong, I have had this realisation and I am willing to commit to change because this is what I’m going to do differently. Then maybe if you believe it’s true, you might want to explore the option of discussing to see if the relationship still works. But messages or calls to say ‘how are you doing’, ‘I miss you’, ‘I don’t know where it all went wrong’, ‘I want to be your friend and be in touch all the time’. This is basically him being selfish wanting to be in your life with no new information, with no intention to change, just to make his breakup less painful. Which actually makes it much harder for everyone! So don’t be afraid of saying that you need space, that you don’t want to hear from him, and if he doesn’t respect it, delete the message, block him if it happens too often, the only way you will be able to properly heal is to have some proper space. And after a while if you have friends in common, if you bump into each other maybe you can have a kind, polite relationship, but not at the beginning.
- Give yourself time. Because grieving takes time, it is a natural process and it doesn’t happen overnight. So allow yourself to cry if you need to, to express your anger in a healthy way, this is the time to really take care of yourself. Not to give him a call to see how he’s doing because poor thing I’m sure he is suffering too. Leave the rescuer role behind, this is the time to focus on yourself. You will probably feel vulnerable so you will need extra support and that is OK.
- One exercise that I really love is to write a goodbye letter to that person. Not one that you will send, just for yourself, Just so you can express any feelings that you didn’t have the change to express. So you can tell him how you felt. So you can say nasty things about him, and let your frustration out. Again, no one is going to see this, it is just a journaling and emotional management tool for your well-being and for your healing. It can be emotional, but it is extremely liberating. You might feel like adding things to this letter for a while and when you are ready you can burn it in a goodbye ceremony, you can tear it apart, you can bury it, whatever feels right for you.
- Do the inner work. Like I said, on top of the grief, you might be experiencing some triggers of wounds you need to heal. This is the perfect moment to do it. Because sometimes we bury our pain, our trauma, and it’s in situations like a break up that the Pandora box opens. So since it has been open, don’t be scared of having a look at what’s going on inside and sort it out, you won’t regret it
- And I want to share a final step, which is a very powerful energy healing technique called cord cutting. Now when we spend a lot of time with someone and we get stuck in negative patterns or a toxic relationship and we experience many unpleasant emotions energetic cords can form between individuals. Remember we are energy, the fact that we are a solid body separated from each other is an illusion, so when we interact with people, since thoughts, emotions are energy they can get stored in our energy field and with close relationships they can form energetic cords. So cutting these cords is super super powerful. I have a video on my Youtube channel explaining how to do this with detailed instructions so I’m going to share a link to this for the ones who are interested, and I might record a podcast episode about it actually, to not make this one a super long one.
GETTING READY FOR NEW BEGINNINGS
So one more thing I want to mention before we finish today, which is about getting ready for new relationships.
We do this all the time, we end a relationship that was bad for us, where we suffered and next thing we know we are in a very similar one with someone else experiencing the same pain and the same negative patterns.
So before jumping into a similar relationships with someone with a different name and hair colour but same patterns, take some time to reflect on the following questions:
Am I ready – emotionally, mentally, energetically – to commit to a new relationship?
What patterns have my previous relationships had in common?
Where do they come from?
What are my beliefs about love and relationships?
How is the relationship with myself?
Do I love myself enough to have a healthy relationship?
What inner work do I need to do to make sure I’m in the best possible place to attract healthy, loving and fulfilling relationships?
Now, it doesn’t mean that you need to be completely healed from everything in your past to start a relationship, because we will always be a work in progress, but it is definitely worth investing on yourself so you can be as light and healthy as possible so you can attract those relationships that will bring you joy, love and fulfilment.
OK my loves, a lot of information there, that is all from me today.
A reminder to book a free clarity session if you haven’t done so yet, especially if you are struggling with a breakup or any other areas of your life.
Thank you so much for listening, if you like this podcast please subscribe it and share it with your loved ones, I will see you next week!
Sending love and light to you all,
Bye for now!
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Hi, I’m Verónica, a Mindset Coach, Energy Healer, Counsellor, Meditation Teacher & Founder of The Positive Mindset Tribe Podcast.
My specialty is helping women who feel stuck or unfulfilled to shift their mindset, clear their subconscious beliefs and heal the wounds of the past so they can manifest an abundant life full of joy, love and success, aligned with their Soul’s purpose.
Your journey to success can start here and now. Are you ready?
– Identify the main block that is holding you back from manifesting the abundant and successful life you deserve.
– Receive an action plan to release that block and move closer to a more fulfilling and joyful life.