This a first episode in the mini-series on the topic of RELATIONSHIPS.
Today I will be covering:
– Why relationships need to be conscious, healthy and fulfilling to be full of love and joy. I was very intentional choosing these words!
– The drama triangle (victim, rescuer and persecutor roles) and how we interact with others.
– Why the relationship with yourself is key in improving your relationships.
– The influence of our role models and how to break free from inherited patterns.
– Step by step process to improve your current relationships and attract the loving ones you deserve.
In the next episode I will be covering how to move on after a break up and how to finally leave behind an old relationship you’re still attached to.
There will be another episode on common mistakes that make relationships fail and how to avoid them.
In this free session I will help you identify the main block that is stopping you from manifesting the abundant life you deserve and you will leave the session with a renewed vision about yourself and an action plan to take you closer to your goals!
(Please note this is not an exact transcript of the episode, it is more like a script, there are more detailed explanations and insights in the actual podcast!)
Hello my beautiful souls and welcome to another episode of The Positive Mindset Tribe!
I’m your host, Verónica Moreno, a mindset coach, energy healer, counsellor and meditation teacher and in this episode and the next couple of episodes I’m going to be covering the topic of relationships, which is huge!
The topic of relationships is very very important for me, because although I am now happily married to a wonderful man and we have an incredibly loving, honest and joyful relationship, I have experienced a loooot of pain in my previous relationships. My relationships used to be very dramatic. My parents got divorced when I was a kid, I remember it as a very traumatic divorce and my dad left when I was a teenager and I didn’t see him for more than 20 years, so my idea of relationships was full of limiting beliefs like ‘love hurts’, ‘falling in love is dangerous’, ‘I can’t trust men’. So for me relationships were kind of a roller coaster – a source of joy and happiness one day and pain, doubts, frustration the day after.
When I started my personal healing and self-development journey I knew that one of the things I had to sort out first was my relationships.
So the first thing I want to tell you today, is that it doesn’t matter where you are at right now, it doesn’t matter how many times you think your relationships have failed, or how many times the same pattern or outcome has repeated, this CAN CHANGE. Trust me, if I could change, you can, I have no doubt about it.
There are so many things I want to say about relationships that I’m going to record a few episodes on the topic because I don’t think I can fit everything I want to say in one episode without making it ridiculously long. And by the way, when I say relationships, obviously a huge part of it will be romantic relationships, but most of the ideas and tips I will be sharing apply not only to romantic relationships but also relationships with family, friends, neighbours, colleagues, all forms of relationships.
So today in this episode I’m going to be covering how to have conscious, healthy and fulfilling relationships full of joy and love step by step. In another episode I will focus on what to do after a breakup or when you feel you are still attached to a previous relationships and can’t move on. And there will be another episode with common mistakes that we make in relationships and how to fix them and other tips.
So stay tuned for this mini-series!
This is what I will be covering today:
- Why relationships need to be conscious, healthy and fulfilling to be full of love and joy. I was very intentional choosing these words!
- The drama triangle (victim, rescuer and persecutor) and how we interact with others.
- Why the relationship with yourself is key in improving your relationships.
- The influence of our role models and how to break free from inherited patterns.
- Step by step process to improve your current relationships and attract the loving ones you deserve.
So let’s get started, first things first:
WHAT IS A CONSCIOUS, HEALTHY AND FULFILLING RELATIONSHIP?
Note that I could have said happy relationships or romantic relationships or beautiful relationships, but I chose these three words very intentionally after some reflection.
- It is very important that we are conscious about why we enter a relationship. One of the reasons many relationships fail, and here I’m talking more about romantic relationships, is because we don’t start a relationship for the right reasons. Sometimes we start relationships out of boredom or to fulfil a need that we haven’t been able to meet ourselves. So sometimes we start a relationship because we feel lonely, or we expect the other person to ‘make us’ feel better, and that is a huge mistake. A relationship should be about two people who are whole sharing what they have, complementing each other not looking for someone to fix your problems. It is so important that we are conscious and aware of the reasons why we are starting a relationship, we are never never ever going to be happy if we enter a relationship because we think that our problems are going to disappear, they will only grow bigger! I’m putting a lot of emphasis here on relationships we start and what is the reason, but within our family, obviously you don’t choose your parents, your parents are who they are (although we do choose our parents spiritually before we incarnate to learn certain lessons, but that is a deeper topic for another day). We can also be conscious about the relationship we have with our family members, because sometimes we get stuck in old patterns where for example the mother is the victim and the daughter is the rescuer. I will be talking more about the drama triangle later in this episode. But the point is that we can also be intentional and decide about how we want our relationship with our family to be, we can and we should consciously change any behaviours that are nor serving us, set boundaries, don’t be afraid of change!
Question for self-reflection: How can I be more conscious in my relationships?
- Healthy, what do I mean by healthy relationships? By healthy I mean authentic relationships, where there is no manipulation, no games, just honest communication. Acting from love, not from fear. Relationships can be scary, and these days especially with the virtual life promoted by social media I see that people are finding it more and more difficult to be open in a relationships, to show their true selves, to be vulnerable, to trust, but this is the only way to have a deep, intimate and joyful relationship. I know it can be scary, especially when we have been hurt before, and let’s face we all have been hurt one way or another.
Question for self-reflection: How can I make my relationships healthier?
- Fulfilling – why should we aim for fulfilling relationships? This is what is going to give you a deep feeling of joy and satisfaction. For example you can have a conscious and healthy relationship with your neighbour where you have a chat every now and then, you get along, you respect each other, but to have fulfilling relationships you need to go deeper. For me, there has to be an element of growing together, relationships are the best and probably toughest subject in the academy of life, we can learn so much from our relationships if we are willing to do so. Relationships can be healing, rewarding, a source of bliss, but we need to be clear on the purpose of the relationship. For example I am so grateful for my husband because during the 8 years we have been together, we have changed so much, we have grown so much and the beauty of it is that we have helped each other grow, we have helped each other heal. So not only we have a common project together, to be a family, to share our skills, to complement each other with our different strengths, but I feel that we were supposed to be together for the purpose of sharing our healing and self-development journey, and that is truly fulfilling.
Question for self-reflection: What is the purpose of my relationships?
So the idea of these episodes is that you have all the tools you need to enjoy these conscious, healthy and fulfilling relationships.
DRAMA TRIANGLE AND HOW WE INTERACT WITH EACH OTHER.
The drama triangle is a fantastic tool that is based in the idea that people take on 3 main roles when they don’t know how to meet their needs in a healthy way – the victim, the rescuer and the persecutor. I have a full episode on this topic, explaining in detail all the roles, so I won’t be going into a lot of detail, but please feel free to go back to that episode, which is the second most popular of all the episodes I have recorded so far!
But the basic idea is that when we are in the role of victim we feel disempowered, we want someone to save us. When we are in rescuer mode, we forget about ourselves and we want to save others, which is not the same as helping, saving someone is disempowering for the other person because you are assuming that they don’t have the resources to do it on their own. And when we take on the persecutor mode we become very critical, judgemental, we can be mean to others even through jokes.
Why do we take on these roles? It can be due to various reasons, maybe that’s what you learnt to survive, maybe you copied a behaviour from a role model, but there is always a ‘benefit’ in taking on these roles, by benefit I don’t mean healthy or pleasant outcome.
The way to escape the drama triangle is by asking yourself – how can I meet my needs in a healthier way?
WHY THE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF IS KEY IN IMPROVING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
I hear a lot of people say I would be very happy ‘if only they changed’. ‘I always attract the WRONG partner’.
But if you want to improve your relationships, most of the time is not about the other person changing, it is about you changing the relationships with yourself, and then things around change.
Because most of the time, how other people treat us is just a reflection of how we treat ourselves.
So if you tend to get stuck with partners than don’t value you, my question for you would be ‘do you value yourself’? If you tend to complain that your partners don’t love you, my question for you would be – do YOU love yourself unconditionally?’
If you tend to get stuck in jobs where people don’t appreciate or celebrate what you do, my question would be – do you appreciate and celebrate what you do?
I know this is a difficult one to swallow, but I have experienced this first hand and have seen it with many of my clients, and when you start to build your confidence, to believe in yourself, to prioritise yourself, to respect yourself, you will see that people notice this, even if they are not aware of it, but they sense it. And when you love yourself and value yourself then you see that there is no space for time wasters in your life, you don’t tolerate abusive behaviours, people feel the power in you so they don’t see a victim in you anymore and they go somewhere else.
So take some time to reflect on your relationship with yourself and how you can love yourself more and build your confidence an inner power. There are at least a couple of episodes in this podcast about self-love, confidence and many meditations and other videos in my youtube channel so if this is resonating with you, go and do the deep work, you won’t regret it. This is one of the main things I do in my 1:1 sessions, helping women build their confidence, cultivate self-love, connect with their inner power and wisdom and when you do this, you don’t have to worry about the people around you cause everything changes.
INFLUENCE FROM OUR ROLE MODELS AND HOW TO BREAK FREE FROM INHERITED PATTERNS
Another idea I wanted to share today is that many many times the patterns that repeat in our relationships, are a copy of what someone in our family used to do. And this makes sense, after all, this is how we learn about relationships. There isn’t a subject in school that teaches you how to attract conscious, healthy, fulfilling relationships full of love and joy, right? If your school had it please let me know their name I want to send my kids there!
So we learn by copying what others do and many times we do this without even realising it, because we learn, we absorb certain beliefs subconsciously, so it is super important to understand our patterns, our behaviours, our beliefs about relationships.
Some of them might be useful, but my invitation for you today is to spend some time thinking about your beliefs about relationships or patterns and ask yourself – are they serving me? If not, what beliefs do I want to have instead? There is an episode about limiting beliefs where I talk about this step by step and I explain how Theta Healing is a wonderful technique to clear subconscious beliefs that are holding us back and replace them with empowering new ones.
STEP BY STEP PROCESS TO IMPROVE YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIPS AND ATTRACT THE LOVING ONES YOU DESERVE.
Right, I know I have shared a lot of information, a lot if ideas, a lot of questions for self-reflection, but like I promised at the beginning, I want to share a step by step process you can follow so you can have those conscious, healthy and fulfilling relationships that you deserve.
- Visualise your ideal relationships. It might be a new partner, it might be new friends, improving your marriage or the relationship with your parents or siblings. So first of all spend some time thinking how you would like these relationships to be. What qualities do they have? How do you treat each other? How do you spend your time together? Set your intentions in a journal, or do a guided meditation, I have a very powerful theta healing guided meditation to attract new relationships , I will leave the link in the description. Visualise yourself a few minutes every day enjoying your new or improved relationships, feeling grateful for them.
- How are your current relationships and what is the difference, what needs to change? And here you might want to revisit the answers to the questions for self-reflection I have been sharing in this episode. For example: What roles of the drama triangle do I normally take on? What is the benefit? How can I meet my needs in a healthier way? Learn about yourself – Are my relationships conscious? Healthy? Fulfilling? Who have been your main role models in relationships? What have you copied? What are your beliefs about relationships? Are they serving you? If not, what do you need to do to let go of these patterns, old stories, roles, beliefs? What empowering beliefs would you like to have instead? Make a list of affirmations and read them out loud every day.
Please note that patterns that are deeply rooted or past experiences that left a big imprint, causing pain, fear, might need deeper work to be healed and cleared. I would suggest that if relationships is something you are struggling with, you work with someone who can help you go deep to heal and grow in a safe space. Relationships is a topic that I often cover in my sessions and at the moment I am offering some free clarity sessions, so if you would like me to help you identify the main block that is stopping you from enjoying the loving and joyful relationships you deserve, feel free to book one of these clarity sessions. Not only I will help you identify the main block, you will leave the session with a renewed vision about yourself and next steps to get you closer to your relationship goals. This is a no obligation, free of charge session, so you have nothing to lose! The link will be in the description of this episode.
- Redefine the relationship with yourself and things around will change. Especially if you tend to get stuck in relationships where you don’t feel value, appreciated, loved, respected, this is a good indication that the priority is to shift the relationship with yourself so you can start loving, valuing and celebrating you more. There is an episode fully dedicated to self-love so have a look at that one for more details.
- Take action! The first step was about setting intentions, I shared many questions for self-reflection and to gain awareness, but nothing will change if you don’t take action! So what are three things you can start doing today to get you closer to enjoying those conscious, healthy and fulfilling relationships you deserve?
Wow, that was a deep episode, with a lot of information, right?
And I haven’t covered even half of what I wanted to talk about!
So in the next couple of episodes I will be talking about how to move on after a breakup or leave an old relationship behind and I will probably record one episode dedicated to common mistakes that make relationships fail and how to avoid them.
Ok my loves, another reminder to book your free clarity session while they’re still available if you are looking at shifting your mindset and healing past wounds so you can manifest an abundant life full of joy, love and success.
And a big thank you if you made it this far, remember to please like, review and subscribe to this podcast and share it with your loved ones!
Sending much love and light to you all, see you next week!
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Hi, I’m Verónica, a Mindset Coach, Energy Healer, Counsellor, Meditation Teacher & Founder of The Positive Mindset Tribe Podcast.
My specialty is helping women who feel stuck or unfulfilled to shift their mindset, clear their subconscious beliefs and heal the wounds of the past so they can manifest an abundant life full of joy, love and success, aligned with their Soul’s purpose.
Your journey to success can start here and now. Are you ready?
– Identify the main block that is holding you back from manifesting the abundant and successful life you deserve.
– Receive an action plan to release that block and move closer to a more fulfilling and joyful life.